Lately I have been feeling really tired. So tired that I wish I could just crash in bed and not get up for weeks.  So tired that I couldn't think straight.  I need to sleep this off. Whatever this is.. I have to sleep this off.

To a beloved friend and brother

I usually know what to say.  But this time, I kept thinking, what can one say except..  May you rest in peace my friend.  I love you.


Philippians 1:3 "...I give thanks to my God in all my remembrance of you"

why not Taylor?

                                     



So, I've been thinking that I should just listen and surround myself with things that would make me happy and not totally make me act like am neurotic or something.  I've been thinking so much about it trying to figure out how I'd start.  Then, I saw Taylor Swift on Ellen this afternoon being such a teenager and totally cute.

And so now, I am downloading her songs.  Yep, I am.  I am thinking baby steps.  I like her, should be good right?

Secrets

Laughter Cures

I posted some pictures in my Tumblr of me laughing with friends.  I liked doing it so much, I will post some of it here too. :)

Laughing in Salcedo

B'ley after the Inday Badiday Joke

Clang laughing pretty

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live

laugh is a smile that bursts

I am thankful for laughter

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life

Laughter is the spark of the soul

If I stop laughing - I’d be dead

hohum

Am back to my old thinking self; being surrounded by friends who have been “fixing” and living their lives now got me thinking again about what I really want to do with mine.  This isn’t something bad, I’m actually glad that my friends are making stuff happen for them, it’s just sad that at 26, I can’t even answer the simple question of what I really want to do.

I am actually doing my best not to think about this anymore.  I really really don't want to think about it since it only frustrates me.  I have this uneasy feeling in my tummy every time it crosses my mind.  I hope this isn’t the 2nd round of QLC, because honestly I am glad I’m done with that part of my CW life.

GoodStuff

Yep, it’s easy to zoom in on the bad stuff; those parts of your life that are falling to pieces, the part that’s kind of tattered.  This week, a friend said I have been a bitch.. And I’m afraid he is right, I have.  It was a tiring week, but at the end of all the hullabaloo, it’s all okay.  I am blessed and I should be thankful.  I am thankful for the little tiny stuff that I overlook time and again.

I am thankful for the job that pays the bills.  The job that opened so many doors and friendships.

I am thankful for the family that will forever and ever be there for you no matter how broken and helpless you are.

I am thankful for friends that will surprise you how far they will go for nothing and just because.

I am thankful for modern medicine and fast transportation.  For technology and human kindness.

So, lets zoom in on the good stuff instead, sometimes it's hard but we need to do this.  Some people are just fighting such harder battles than the petty things I have on my plate now. :)

Flawed

I'm the type of girl that overthinks, over-analyze and believes in crazy signs and dreams.  I use my heart more than my head sometimes.  I am emotional - to a  fault and most of the time, says too much to certain people and wishes i didn't after.

I often do something and kick myself in the butt after for doing it.  I think non-stop of the whatifs and the could'ves.  I am overly concern about things and people I truly care about that sometimes I get myself in touble for it.  But a friend told me - i could be all that but that doesn't make me broken.

That made me smile.  The kind of smile that can be felt through the heart.  I will work on being too emotional and saying too much.. but for now I am glad to say.. I may be flawed but I am not broken.

Year-End

‘09 is for thanksgiving and lessons.  A year of drama, reunions and starting over; pushing and pulling of boundaries set for myself.  It is a year of learning about people around me and even things about me.  Missing old friends and making new ones. Such a great year!



 Things I’m grateful for:

• I turned 26 this year and felt oh so mature! Hahaha
• Finished SCP after a year of dilly-dallying about what I want and don’t want
• Went back to school.  All the waiting and the whining seems to be worthless after taking that first step. 
• Friendships that grow beyond the walls of PS.
• All the other little things that made each little moment of my year as wonderful as it is.

Things I’ve learned and thought about:

©  Sometimes, life has a better idea
©  Other people’s feelings are more important than my opinion
©  I can stand being with people that I don’t necessarily like, but I choose not to.
©  Changes are okay - sometimes
©  I am my worst critique –I question my own intensions several times even.
©  Nothing is as it seems, but taking it at face value is easier on the heart  J    
©  Life has a way of balancing itself out.
©  Laughing chase away all types of illness.
©  Crying might not solve things, but it helps you feel a tiny bit better.
©  Listening to people could be rewarding
©  There are definitely different kinds of people out there – and they WILL surprise you!
©  The hardest part of starting over is deciding for sure that you are starting over.
©   When you expect things to be easy.. it might just not be.
©  I wear my emotions like I wear my clothes.
©  There are things that you gotta talk about just because.
©  My friends know me and there is no point in hiding my emotions
©  Technology bridges gaps.  MMS, SMS, Emails and Phone calls play vital roles in staying in touch with people who matter.
©  Sometimes beating yourself thinking about stuff isn’t enough.. you gotta talk yourself through it.
©  Hugs are the best things in the world
©  It’s okay to make the first move if it will make things all better
©  Its okay to cry and feel bad sometimes – but there shall be a point where you pull yourself together

With these I close the year and start anew.  2010 shall be AWESOME!  I know it!

thankies

I am thankful for so much I’m afraid if I list down everything I wouldn’t be able to stop.  But I will take a chance, here I go…

Family – people I didn’t choose but fit wonderfully.  Could be dysfunctional at times, makes me tear my own hair out but I know would stick with me forever.

Friends -  old and new; the reason for all the drama in the world! J Those I specifically picked and those that I have gracefully stumbled upon in this wacky lifetime.  All of them I chose.

Hugs – it’s the best thing in the world. You need it to celebrate and when you feel sad.

The seemingly mundane stuff of everyday life that makes it sweet and worth it:

©       Oldfriends.newfriends

©       phonecalls with clang

©       maldita thoughts with my girls

©       venting sessions with Z over YM

©       ym conferences

©       lifestories of people i get to share or listen to

©       conversations that left me thinking

©       pjtime with noel

©       Chat with Bianca

©       marlon’s dancing prowess

©       gracie’s incredible jokes

©       decisions I make and will be making in the future

©       pictures and the memories they represent

©       books.

©       Prayers

©       Owen time sa dating tagpuan

©       Laugh – the regular and the ‘till you cry type.

©       Mcdonalds

©       Starbucks chocolate cake

©       Salcedo Park

©       BM duties

©       Elite meets

©       Twitter and Facebook and Multiply and Tumblr

©       School and all the craziness involved in it

©       Lovebug

©       Gmail

©       Lamierda time

©       Movie dates with sibs

©       Silly songs for silly episodes of my life

©       ASAP.Ellen.GG.Glee.Brothers andSisters.How I Met Your Mother.

©       Cat/power naps

©       Trials/Tests – whether I passed with flying colors or miserably failed

©       Taylor Swift’s ‘you wear high heels, I wear sneakers, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers”

©       Tristan and Anne’s seldom messages and invite to have dinner or go drinking

©       One for the road sessions

©       Routines

©       Familiarity of Chucks

©       AMAZING Internet and Technology

©       SMS and MMS

©       Running water, indoor plumbing and airconditioning

©       Cyber high-five and rolling-eyes and hugging emoticons

©       heart-to-heart’s

©       confessions that warmed my heart

©       hirits

©       fan – for wind effex

©       cute notebooks and pens

©       original Pringles

©       bookstores

©       stars

©       random acts of kindness