Dear Self,

its time you take the advise of others and stop being a worry-wart.  Things shall fall into its rightful place in His perfect time.  Take things as it happen and stop thinking, quit over-analyzing. Stop reading too much into stuff and just take everything at face value.  Remember, taking it this way is easier on your heart.

Love,

You

iPray

I went to mass yesterday with my family and found myself at a loss for knowing exactly what I want to pray for myself.

I know precisely what to pray for, for each of my friends and sisters and brother and parents.  I have my little prayers I say for each one tucked inside a small pocket in my head.. but when it comes to what I shall pray for for myself, it seems that I am unable to articulate in my mind what it is i want.  It is not because I have nothing that I want to pray for - this is actually the opposite.  I think I want so much that I don't know what to say first.

I was also thinking, if I pray for something, I have to be specific and clear.. and it has to be just.  Something that in my heart of hearts I know, I want and ready to receive.  And so, I end up praying for the little things in my life that is kind'of not so great now.  Those parts that makes me want to crawl into bed and stay there for weeks.  Those that I know starts the eating away my sanity and make me question.  For myself, that's what I pray for.

sleep

Lately I have been feeling really tired. So tired that I wish I could just crash in bed and not get up for weeks.  So tired that I couldn't think straight.  I need to sleep this off. Whatever this is.. I have to sleep this off.

To a beloved friend and brother

I usually know what to say.  But this time, I kept thinking, what can one say except..  May you rest in peace my friend.  I love you.


Philippians 1:3 "...I give thanks to my God in all my remembrance of you"

why not Taylor?

                                     



So, I've been thinking that I should just listen and surround myself with things that would make me happy and not totally make me act like am neurotic or something.  I've been thinking so much about it trying to figure out how I'd start.  Then, I saw Taylor Swift on Ellen this afternoon being such a teenager and totally cute.

And so now, I am downloading her songs.  Yep, I am.  I am thinking baby steps.  I like her, should be good right?

Secrets

Laughter Cures

I posted some pictures in my Tumblr of me laughing with friends.  I liked doing it so much, I will post some of it here too. :)

Laughing in Salcedo

B'ley after the Inday Badiday Joke

Clang laughing pretty

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live

laugh is a smile that bursts

I am thankful for laughter

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life

Laughter is the spark of the soul

If I stop laughing - I’d be dead

hohum

Am back to my old thinking self; being surrounded by friends who have been “fixing” and living their lives now got me thinking again about what I really want to do with mine.  This isn’t something bad, I’m actually glad that my friends are making stuff happen for them, it’s just sad that at 26, I can’t even answer the simple question of what I really want to do.

I am actually doing my best not to think about this anymore.  I really really don't want to think about it since it only frustrates me.  I have this uneasy feeling in my tummy every time it crosses my mind.  I hope this isn’t the 2nd round of QLC, because honestly I am glad I’m done with that part of my CW life.

GoodStuff

Yep, it’s easy to zoom in on the bad stuff; those parts of your life that are falling to pieces, the part that’s kind of tattered.  This week, a friend said I have been a bitch.. And I’m afraid he is right, I have.  It was a tiring week, but at the end of all the hullabaloo, it’s all okay.  I am blessed and I should be thankful.  I am thankful for the little tiny stuff that I overlook time and again.

I am thankful for the job that pays the bills.  The job that opened so many doors and friendships.

I am thankful for the family that will forever and ever be there for you no matter how broken and helpless you are.

I am thankful for friends that will surprise you how far they will go for nothing and just because.

I am thankful for modern medicine and fast transportation.  For technology and human kindness.

So, lets zoom in on the good stuff instead, sometimes it's hard but we need to do this.  Some people are just fighting such harder battles than the petty things I have on my plate now. :)

Flawed

I'm the type of girl that overthinks, over-analyze and believes in crazy signs and dreams.  I use my heart more than my head sometimes.  I am emotional - to a  fault and most of the time, says too much to certain people and wishes i didn't after.

I often do something and kick myself in the butt after for doing it.  I think non-stop of the whatifs and the could'ves.  I am overly concern about things and people I truly care about that sometimes I get myself in touble for it.  But a friend told me - i could be all that but that doesn't make me broken.

That made me smile.  The kind of smile that can be felt through the heart.  I will work on being too emotional and saying too much.. but for now I am glad to say.. I may be flawed but I am not broken.