Dear 2010,


We had a wonderful run, you an I; and I cannot believe I would have to say byebye to you already.

I have to admit, it started kind of slow. Nothing special happened, I even got really sick beginning of the year which left scars - which you'd be proud to know, I have embraced already. :P

There were alot of melodramatic moments that I am already fortunately over and done with. But God has been really good and he answered alot of my prayers.  I am grateful.

Thank you 2010 for

- God's awesomeness
- the amazing EN2010 experience.
- countless chancess to start over
- my many wonderful friends that laughed with me, cried with me, gave me pep talks, scolded me and ultimately stood by me while I do all the crazy stuff I did this year.
- the surprisingly fun Anawangin trip.
- Regina Specktor and Hillsong and The Newsboys
- the marvelousness of Podcasts and Live streaming
- hugs and kisses received
- Lazy Sundays
- weheartit
- Starbucks and Yellow Cabs and Mickiedies
- my strong heart, my courage and my impossible need to get out of the rut I was in.


And so to round the year-up, here are some of my fave pictures of last year.

Love,
G

strength

God you are my strength and my anchor

Thank you because when I feel myself slipping ever so slightly, you show me something that pulls me right back in.

Breathing In. Breathing Out. Shaking it off.

I cant help but be sad about losing phone twice in two weeks.  Really.  I cant help but feel sad about knowing bad things really do happen, and people are responsible for them.

Last night I cried.  I cried because I was sad but today I am shaking the dust.

God is graceful and He has been giving me really really good days - some are even great, and thats where I will focus. I am zooming in on the good stuff.

Breathing In.  Breathing Out.  Shaking it off.

iSuper love this!

Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.

So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be.

BlogLove

i love David Bonifacio's blog.  I love love love it.  It encourages me to always "Go to God" and to value the truly important stuff in life.

I got this from him.

You step up to the plate, you take a deep breath, you swing, and you hope you hit a home run. If it doesn’t work, you get another chance up at bat. If you don’t get another chance, there will be other ball games.

The Message

was checking tumblr just now and I saw this in my dashboard.  It made me smile.

“Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.”


- Colossians 3:3-4 (The Message)

Closing cycles

Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Gone is the Fear

It is finally happening.  It feels kind of surreal. But I am not scared.  Last week I was, but today, i sat quietly and thought about it.  The fear is gone.

I have yet to sort all these things inside me, but one thing is for sure.  The fear is gone.

18August2010

i did it.

today i did.

I dream

I dream of many many things.

I dream of yellow chucks, pink prada canvas tote and a green sidekick.

I dream of matte nail polish in assorted colors.

I dream of Hopeful tatooed in my right wrist and Faithful in my left.

i dream of a dog.  I used to dream of a pug.  A black cute pug.  The dream now evolved to a huge dog.  A brown lab that answers to snickers.

I dream of new job. new friends. new life.

I dream of weekends packed with fulfilling activities.

I dream of habitat for humanities.

I dream of wonderful Sundays.

i dream of eiffel tower and new york city and going to Ellen De Generes Show with Clang and Z.

I dream of a better world.

I dream of meeting people - people in the future that will totally change my life.

I dream of a stronger heart.  a heart with no doubts and fears.

Psalm 23

Pastor Paolo said that our prayers become more powerful when we incorporate scriptures.  I have always been fascinated by prayers as a whole.  The fact that we are able to converse with the Lord is pretty amazing already, but making it more potent is just astonishing don't you think?

And so again after quite sometime, I opened my bible and read some.  I found Psalm 23 and loved it.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,

 3 he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.

 4 Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

 5 You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.

 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

thumbs up

thumbs up to God for making things happen.

Awesome. Awesome

Woot!

Note to Self

Dear Self,

its time you take the advise of others and stop being a worry-wart.  Things shall fall into its rightful place in His perfect time.  Take things as it happen and stop thinking, quit over-analyzing. Stop reading too much into stuff and just take everything at face value.  Remember, taking it this way is easier on your heart.

Love,

You

iPray

I went to mass yesterday with my family and found myself at a loss for knowing exactly what I want to pray for myself.

I know precisely what to pray for, for each of my friends and sisters and brother and parents.  I have my little prayers I say for each one tucked inside a small pocket in my head.. but when it comes to what I shall pray for for myself, it seems that I am unable to articulate in my mind what it is i want.  It is not because I have nothing that I want to pray for - this is actually the opposite.  I think I want so much that I don't know what to say first.

I was also thinking, if I pray for something, I have to be specific and clear.. and it has to be just.  Something that in my heart of hearts I know, I want and ready to receive.  And so, I end up praying for the little things in my life that is kind'of not so great now.  Those parts that makes me want to crawl into bed and stay there for weeks.  Those that I know starts the eating away my sanity and make me question.  For myself, that's what I pray for.

sleep

Lately I have been feeling really tired. So tired that I wish I could just crash in bed and not get up for weeks.  So tired that I couldn't think straight.  I need to sleep this off. Whatever this is.. I have to sleep this off.

To a beloved friend and brother

I usually know what to say.  But this time, I kept thinking, what can one say except..  May you rest in peace my friend.  I love you.


Philippians 1:3 "...I give thanks to my God in all my remembrance of you"

why not Taylor?

                                     



So, I've been thinking that I should just listen and surround myself with things that would make me happy and not totally make me act like am neurotic or something.  I've been thinking so much about it trying to figure out how I'd start.  Then, I saw Taylor Swift on Ellen this afternoon being such a teenager and totally cute.

And so now, I am downloading her songs.  Yep, I am.  I am thinking baby steps.  I like her, should be good right?

Secrets

Laughter Cures

I posted some pictures in my Tumblr of me laughing with friends.  I liked doing it so much, I will post some of it here too. :)

Laughing in Salcedo

B'ley after the Inday Badiday Joke

Clang laughing pretty

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live

laugh is a smile that bursts

I am thankful for laughter

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life

Laughter is the spark of the soul

If I stop laughing - I’d be dead

hohum

Am back to my old thinking self; being surrounded by friends who have been “fixing” and living their lives now got me thinking again about what I really want to do with mine.  This isn’t something bad, I’m actually glad that my friends are making stuff happen for them, it’s just sad that at 26, I can’t even answer the simple question of what I really want to do.

I am actually doing my best not to think about this anymore.  I really really don't want to think about it since it only frustrates me.  I have this uneasy feeling in my tummy every time it crosses my mind.  I hope this isn’t the 2nd round of QLC, because honestly I am glad I’m done with that part of my CW life.

GoodStuff

Yep, it’s easy to zoom in on the bad stuff; those parts of your life that are falling to pieces, the part that’s kind of tattered.  This week, a friend said I have been a bitch.. And I’m afraid he is right, I have.  It was a tiring week, but at the end of all the hullabaloo, it’s all okay.  I am blessed and I should be thankful.  I am thankful for the little tiny stuff that I overlook time and again.

I am thankful for the job that pays the bills.  The job that opened so many doors and friendships.

I am thankful for the family that will forever and ever be there for you no matter how broken and helpless you are.

I am thankful for friends that will surprise you how far they will go for nothing and just because.

I am thankful for modern medicine and fast transportation.  For technology and human kindness.

So, lets zoom in on the good stuff instead, sometimes it's hard but we need to do this.  Some people are just fighting such harder battles than the petty things I have on my plate now. :)

Flawed

I'm the type of girl that overthinks, over-analyze and believes in crazy signs and dreams.  I use my heart more than my head sometimes.  I am emotional - to a  fault and most of the time, says too much to certain people and wishes i didn't after.

I often do something and kick myself in the butt after for doing it.  I think non-stop of the whatifs and the could'ves.  I am overly concern about things and people I truly care about that sometimes I get myself in touble for it.  But a friend told me - i could be all that but that doesn't make me broken.

That made me smile.  The kind of smile that can be felt through the heart.  I will work on being too emotional and saying too much.. but for now I am glad to say.. I may be flawed but I am not broken.

Year-End

‘09 is for thanksgiving and lessons.  A year of drama, reunions and starting over; pushing and pulling of boundaries set for myself.  It is a year of learning about people around me and even things about me.  Missing old friends and making new ones. Such a great year!



 Things I’m grateful for:

• I turned 26 this year and felt oh so mature! Hahaha
• Finished SCP after a year of dilly-dallying about what I want and don’t want
• Went back to school.  All the waiting and the whining seems to be worthless after taking that first step. 
• Friendships that grow beyond the walls of PS.
• All the other little things that made each little moment of my year as wonderful as it is.

Things I’ve learned and thought about:

©  Sometimes, life has a better idea
©  Other people’s feelings are more important than my opinion
©  I can stand being with people that I don’t necessarily like, but I choose not to.
©  Changes are okay - sometimes
©  I am my worst critique –I question my own intensions several times even.
©  Nothing is as it seems, but taking it at face value is easier on the heart  J    
©  Life has a way of balancing itself out.
©  Laughing chase away all types of illness.
©  Crying might not solve things, but it helps you feel a tiny bit better.
©  Listening to people could be rewarding
©  There are definitely different kinds of people out there – and they WILL surprise you!
©  The hardest part of starting over is deciding for sure that you are starting over.
©   When you expect things to be easy.. it might just not be.
©  I wear my emotions like I wear my clothes.
©  There are things that you gotta talk about just because.
©  My friends know me and there is no point in hiding my emotions
©  Technology bridges gaps.  MMS, SMS, Emails and Phone calls play vital roles in staying in touch with people who matter.
©  Sometimes beating yourself thinking about stuff isn’t enough.. you gotta talk yourself through it.
©  Hugs are the best things in the world
©  It’s okay to make the first move if it will make things all better
©  Its okay to cry and feel bad sometimes – but there shall be a point where you pull yourself together

With these I close the year and start anew.  2010 shall be AWESOME!  I know it!