So today, I heard something that undeniably broke my heart to smithereens. It literally felt like my world is getting ready to collapse. For a few minutes, I was just silent, not allowing myself to believe it. It’s still not official but the fact that there is a possibility of it happening just crushes me so much.

I hauled my butt to the ladies room where I cried for a little bit and prayed. I cannot help but fear the future because of this. But I have decided that I will trust God. I may have failed him but I know He will not fail me.

Dear Lord,

Forgive me if for a moment there I was scared and totally sad. I offer you all of it. I trust you. I pray that I’ll have the wisdom to understand and to live out your will. Your will be done Lord.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen

Your Love Never Fails

you make all things work together for my good.

28 on 28

Today I turned 28 and I feel the same. I can’t think of anything to specifically write about that is either moving or even interesting, so I will leave you some of my most favorite pictures and GIF as of late.. :P

And last but not the least…

Dear Lord,

I thank you for another year – a year of changes and growth. Thank you because I feel I am much closer to you now than I was a year ago. I may fail you but I know that you have renewed mercy for me each day. I don’t deserve it but you give it because you love me. A love that is too awesome for me to understand.

I claim victory because of your wonderful amazing spirit. Thank you Lord.

* all pictures are from tumblr. Proper credits of the pictures I used can be seen here.

37. Delirium

Delirium by Lauren Oliver is a dystopia novel. I haven’t been reading books from this genre but this novel is a total surprise – good one.

Ultimately, it is a love story between Alex and Lena which I both liked. I couldn’t imagine living without real emotions. Ridding or in this book “curing” people of Love is such a ridiculous idea.

♥ I run for I don't know how long. Hours, maybe, or days. Alex told me to run. So I run. You have to understand. I am no one special. I am just a single girl. I am five feet two inches tall and I am in-between in every way. But i have a secret. You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but i will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope,and without fear. I love you. Remember. They cannot take it.

to sleep.

These past few days, all I want to do is sleep.

Sleep until the slight break in my heart heals.

cutiepatootee

I am totally in love with this GIF from tumblr.

36. Something Blue

Another book by Emily Griffin, this time Darcy took the lead. I love the setting, London. I love Ethan and how honest and sensitive and amazingly giving he is. Darcy, I don’t care much for. I still root for Rachel, even if she was barely a part of this book. J

♥ Love and friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them.

♥ You can only control your own actions. Not other people’s reactions.

35. Cant you speak louder God

I just finished reading this book by Steve Shultz. Two ideas that were impressed in my heart were:

1. God, from when we were born has been speaking to us. You may call it anyway you want, could be intuition, that small voice in our heads - that is God. How can we not hear Him, when He is inside of us? Sometimes, we just have to strain to hear him but He is there.

2. Prophecy. It should be comforting, encouraging and edifying. It should build us up and make us stronger. Sometimes, we think its bad things, what we need to do is to come in faith to God and pray that those bad things won't come to pass.

Doing the happy dance.

Thank You Lord!

change my heart

I was writing a letter to someone I immensely dislike just a few hours ago. I have no intention of giving it to him; I just wanted to write the things I wish I could say in his face. It wasn’t long. Just 2 paragraphs with 3-5 sentence each. Basically I wanted to tell him that the illusion he has of himself is just that – illusion. I wanted to tell him that he isn’t good – at all.

I’ve completely erased the letter. I was planning to post it here but decided otherwise. I am glad I was able to do it and now it’s gone. J I feel guilty, I feel the horrible things I thought of him makes me just like him – horrible.

And so, I am letting it go now. I totally wish I don’t feel this towards him. I wish things aren’t the way they are. I am sure things will be better. I will get over this. I am just praying it will be soon.

God,

Completely cleanse me of the bitterness and anger I feel towards him. Please change my heart.

This I pray through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

Amen.

Stronger

Fighting something inside of me, I found myself singing this. It’s strong but my merciful God is stronger.

34. Paper Towns

Paper towns is another novel by John Green, another really good novel at that. The characters are relatable except for Margo Roth Spiegelman. Quentin is my favourite in this book, next Radar then Ben. Ben, I love because he became a total hero in the end. J

I totally picked up something new in this book, that paper towns are faux places placed on maps for copyright purposes. This is such a brilliant idea don’t you think? The book is easy enough to read, and there are funny bits here and there. But it is true what the cover states, it is surprisingly moving. Sometimes I think, I wanna be part of a great adventure like this – except, I am getting too old. Hahaha.

One line that struck me in in this novel is this: It’s so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest thing in the world. This is without a doubt the real deal. I felt this way 8 months ago. J

♥ When things break, its not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. Its because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn’t fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.

June.

Please? Pretty please with ice creame on top?